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🚨 BREAKING NEWS 🚨: “I’m definitely NOT suicidal”.

Satirical Pages Still Alive Despite Massive Head Trauma from Repeatedly Hitting Themselves in the head With the Same “Pokes”

Popular satire pages like “Britain For All”, “The Poke”, and “The Daily Mash” are facing a global shortage of punchlines after refusing—’on medical grounds’—to mock anything involving the appropriate billionaires, global pharma giants, or politicians wearing blue ties.

Doctors confirm it’s a new syndrome:
“Satirical Tunnel Vision Disorder”
Symptoms include:
– Spontaneous Guardian regurgitation
– Fear of saying “Epstein” without a content warning
– Uncontrollable laughter whenever Keir Starmer blinks

“It’s just as easy to buy a scientist as it is a politician,” said one rogue commenter before being shadowbanned, reported, and replaced with a bot named Susan (she/they), who responds to every dissenting opinion with “ok but sources???”

Meanwhile, satire pages remain laser-focused on mocking Brexit voters, straight white plumbers, and anyone who’s ever eaten meat or doubted Pfizer.

Nevermind AI overlords, Davos demons, or banking cartels —
nothing destabilises a civilisation faster than media with selective eyesight and moral amnesia.

In other news:
– North Korea has announced it will accept western refugees fleeing the Ursula von der Leyen dictatorship.
– Democrats have now officially cancelled more freedoms than asbestos.
– You have more chance of getting a DNA test in Israel than you have of seeing The Daily Mash publish the Epstein flight logs.

But remember:
Everything is fine.
We’re all in this together.
Trust the narrative.
“I’m definitely not suicidal.”

—

#SatiricalBlackout #NPCWritersRoom #FreeSpeechForSome #GatesOfHeaven #ClintonImmunityPack #MashMyBalls #ControlledComedy #NotTheOnion #DailyTrash #PocketBot

Tired of satire that sucks up instead of punching up?
Join the rebellion. Roast power, not plumbers.
PocketBot https://www.pocketbot.me/groups/the-daily-trash
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